“Wherever you go, go with all your heart.”
~ Confucius

Well, we made it through January, even if it was a slog.

How’s everybody doing? If you feel like you’re surviving, but not much more than that, you’re not alone. Here’s an article by my friend Claudia Luiz, a psychoanalyst, about how to better anchor yourself in these pandemic times.

It’s interesting how just turning our calendars to the next month can give us a moment of joy.

All those single moments, strung together, will get us through this.

I’m glad it’s February and I’m excited for Valentine’s Day. I like seeing all the ads with hearts and flowers and teddy bears. And, oh, those chocolate-covered strawberries! We sent valentines to our grandsons last week, complete with some heart stickers. I love that they are still young enough to enjoy “stickies.”

Did you know Valentine’s Day is celebrated in many countries and cultures around the world? I like the traditions in South Korea, Finland, and Estonia, where single friends are included in the activities. Much as I enjoy the holiday, I feel for my single friends who often get left out.

When we were children, everyone was included in the celebration of Valentine’s Day. From the homemade paper valentines we distributed at school to the candy hearts or chocolates from our parents, many of us have fond memories of the holiday. But as we become adults, it’s more geared towards couples.

In this year of growth, especially culturally, we are evaluating many of our long-held traditions and are finding some of them wanting.

Maybe this is the year to give Valentine’s Day an upgrade here in America. I enjoy sending valentines to family, and in recent years I’ve tried to include my single friends so they know they’re not forgotten. After all, our friends are some of our most loyal and faithful loved ones.

Who’s for borrowing some ideas from the folks across the pond and re-designating the holiday as a day to celebrate all kinds of love, rather than just romantic love?

In my research about the “love holiday” I found this fun fact: English doesn’t have as many words to describe love as many other languages. Sanskrit, the ancient language of India, and one of the oldest languages on Earth, has an astounding 96 words for it!

The concept of love is as old as language itself.

As this article explains, whereas in English we use one word to describe many different kinds of love, other languages have separate words for the love of things or activities, spiritual love, the love of a friend, the love of family, and maternal love. There are also words that denote specific aspects of romantic love such as delight, longing, affection, and lust, among others.

My favorite word for love, specifically for being “all in” on it, is “openheartedness.” I’ve mentioned the term before—it came to my attention while reading Brené Brown’s The Gifts of Imperfection in the fall. I like it because it speaks to the action that’s necessary on our part in order to embrace all our sisters and brothers.

To be openhearted means to be kind, good-hearted, benevolent, and charitable. It requires us to show sympathy, understanding, and generosity.

In other words, “Love everyone. No exceptions.”

Have you seen that on a bumper sticker? I’ve seen it around town and have been struck by the clarity of the directive.

But man, it is hard to do! Right?  

Some of us seem to be naturally more openhearted than others. If you were taught to be guarded, or you struggle as a result of life experiences that caused you to close off part of your heart, it’s not too late to learn how to access more loving feelings. It takes time and practice though. (Are you getting used to me saying that about every aspect of our growth? Unfortunately, emotional growth is a process that doesn’t happen overnight, despite our best intentions.)

These writers offer some helpful suggestions:

5 Steps to Keeping an Open Heart

How can you be More Open-Hearted?

No matter how you decide to celebrate Valentine’s Day, given the isolation and polarization of this past year, I think we’re all acutely aware that “what the world needs now, is love, sweet love.”

“No, not just for some, but for everyone.”

Since you’re already singing (I can hear you!), here are two YouTube clips you can sing along to:

This one is a 1966 version of the song sung by Dionne Warwick that has stood the test of time. Does it bring back some good memories?

This one from 2016, is a beautifully updated version sung by Broadway for Orlando, an all-star group of artists from the theatre and pop world. It makes me feel happy every time I listen to it. Hope it does the same for you!

If the lyrics of this classic song resonate now more than ever, perhaps it’s that it was written during another very turbulent time in our nation—the mid-‘60s—when we were desperate for healing. One advantage of being a woman “of a certain age,” is being able to look back and remember that we have gotten through trying times before.

Each generation has its struggles. But the solution is always the same: Love!

No matter what word you use for it.

Happy Valentine’s Day to you and yours!

Affectionately,

Elaine