Photo by Ignacio Brosa on Unsplash

“We don't heal in isolation, but in community.”
~ S. Kelley Harrell

“Back to normal.”

We’re all waiting for it…dreaming of it, even.

It’s hard to hold all the struggles of the world in our minds right now, along with so many changes in our personal lives.

It’s not surprising we’d rather dream about the future. Increasingly, I’ve been seeing articles from prognosticators who talk about what it will be like after Covid eases. But in truth, it’s hard to know how we’ll act. Will we all emerge kinder, more loving, more appreciative? That’s the hope, right?

I worry that we’ll be less affectionate, retaining some level of fear, conscious or not, about our safety when embracing each other. I don’t think that will be the case for me. I’ll be more likely to be hugging complete strangers, necessitating a call to security. :) It’s just who I am.

Some medical people are advising that we permanently abstain from the practice of shaking hands to avoid the transmission of colds, flus, and future, yet-to-be-named viruses. I hope we don’t go that far. There’s something about reaching out to others and extending our hands on first meeting that just feels good. That and a moment of direct eye contact help us to size up new people and decide if they could be one of our people.

I’ve mentioned before that psychologists are wondering if we will have a looming mental health crisis in the near future. But maybe with so many people learning about the symptoms of stress and the importance of seeking treatment when symptoms don’t abate, we’ll be better off in time. Bringing these topics into the open is the first step towards a healthier society, which is why I talk so much in my posts about paying attention to our emotional needs.

Yes, we may be struggling, but Covid is a shared struggle that has the potential to unite us in our concern for each other. Hopefully we can find some shared solutions to our mental health issues.

Today I saw something on the Positive Energy+ Facebook page that talked about how trauma permanently changes us. The image, which quoted writer Catherine Woodiwiss, read: “This is the big, scary truth about trauma: there is no such thing as ‘getting over it.’ A major life disruption leaves a new normal in its wake. There is no ‘back to the old me.’ You are different now, full stop.”

Catherine’s words are strong, and for a moment after I read them, I was taken aback. After thinking about it, I realized that what she was saying about personal trauma is equally true for collective trauma like the one we’re currently experiencing. Those of us who have lived through the trials of 2020 will never forget it.

Rather than papering-over it as if it never happened, we will incorporate it into our other life experiences, process it as best we can, and eventually, move on.

In Catherine’s view, “This is not a wholly negative thing. Healing from trauma can also mean finding new strength and joy.”

We’re all inspired by the stories of people who have overcome great personal challenges and have gone on to do amazing things with their lives. In Becky Sansbury’s book After the Shock: Getting You Back On The Road to Resilience When Crisis Hits You Head On, she points to four factors that support us in recovery: Comfort, Control, Community, and Connection. Becky, who was a hospice chaplain and later worked with people in career crisis, says in her bio that she “connects people to hope.”

We may not ever be the same after the pandemic. But we can learn and grow and start anew if we have a mindset of hope.

In the spring most of us hunkered down at home with our families in an effort to keep ourselves safe. More recently, we’ve learned that if we want to socialize with others in order to keep our communities and connections intact, the safest place to do so is outdoors.

A dear friend lives by the water in Southern Maryland. The other day she texted me a picture of her book club meeting on a dock at the water’s edge. It looked delightful. This weekend when we took our grandson to a playground, the park was abuzz. In addition to people walking dogs on the greenway and toddlers running on the playground as is typical, we saw groups of people social distancing while doing various activities. A yoga class. Weight training. A baseball practice. A meeting in the covered pavilion.

People are finding such creative solutions to the restrictions we’re facing. It makes me wonder if we’ll all seek the outdoors a bit more once we no longer have to?

In the coming year, we’ll have a rare opportunity to decide how we want to live going forward. As one of the commenters said in response to the quote about trauma, we can “become stronger and smarter by overcoming challenges.” “We can use them as a positive driving force,” said another.

People are starting to write about some potential positive changes for an after-Covid world. We know we won’t be the same. But being proactive, even just in our planning for that time, will allow us to experience some control over our lives in the meantime.

What have you learned from the pandemic?

How has it changed you for the better?

What do you plan to do differently when it’s over?

May that day arrive sooner rather than later, for all of us.

Affectionately,

Elaine