“We can’t heal the world today but we can begin with a voice of compassion, a heart of love, an act of kindness.”
~Mary Davis

The Border Crisis.
Covid.
Raging wildfires and floods.
Afghanistan.
Haiti.

Even writers have times when words fail. When our hearts are so heavy, we can’t take it all in, much less respond or report. This is one of those weeks.

As spiritual seekers, we know that to be human is to suffer.

Still, there are times when we just can’t believe all the tragedy we’re seeing unfold before our eyes. Psychological shock renders our emotions too big and too complicated to decipher in the moment.

During trauma (or even when we’re watching trauma play out), we experience rapid physical changes. Stress hormones flood our bodies and muddle our thinking. Time either moves too fast or too slow.

Tragedies, whether near or far, can cause us to feel out of control, and produce one of the three primary reactions to stress: fight, flight, or freeze. The “freeze” response causes us to draw inward and become temporarily mute.

We’ve grown used to seeing upsetting events on the news on a regular basis. The situations resolve and we’re on to the next breaking headline. (But, wouldn’t it be wonderful if the news shows would go back and update us on the stories we have cared so much about in the past?)

In the last year and a half, though, the tragedies just seem to keep piling on, reaching a tipping point for some of us this week. It’s impossible to understand the amount of human suffering we are witnessing in our country and in our world right now. It’s even more distressing if we feel that some of the pain might have been prevented, at least in part.

When we care too much about these external events, the personal impact is great, and we can compromise our ability to function in our daily lives. When we shut them all out, we risk losing our empathy, and we weaken our connection with those who do care greatly. Either way, we are subject to the judgments of our friends and relatives who make different choices:
How can you not care?
How can you care so much?

Your perceptions of the world are your own, as are your reactions. Allow yourself to have them.

It may be a while before you can even begin to try to make sense of these events or put them into context. That’s okay.

It can be especially hard when you want to help, but can’t. Here are some tips for weathering distressing times:

Acknowledge your feelings. Take just five minutes and listen to this “Self-Compassion Break.” It will remind you to get in touch with your body, which is where recovery begins.

Observe without taking action. As Alice Boyes, Ph.D., says in the Psychology Today article about psychological shock I linked to above, “Since it's hard to think straight when you're in shock, you should give yourself a chance to calm down before acting, unless quick action is necessary.” It’s worth your time to figure out some calming methods that work best for you. Here are some of my prior posts on the topic:

Finding Your Calm

How to Calm Your Busy Mind

The Benefits of Focused Breathing

-Use your anger for motivation, but don’t live in it. Anger in response to injustice can help clarify our values and propel us toward positive action. But it’s unhealthy to stay perpetually angry (and unsettling for others who have to listen to us rant). Heeding the remaining suggestions in this list may diffuse some of your frustration.

-Help where you can, how you can, even if it’s totally unrelated. Any good you do in the world is helpful, and it can have a ripple effect. For example, you might decide to support Doctors Without Borders. Or a student who is studying to be a doctor. Or a child being treated for cancer who might one day grow up to be a doctor. Any worthwhile action will satisfy your need to “do something.”

-Reach out. It is during times of tragedy that we most need human connection. Reach out to check on your friends, especially those who are highly susceptible to the world’s pain. Comfort each other. This article on 5 Simple Ways to Practice Self-Care has some good suggestions. Consider doing some of them together.

-Turn inward. Mindfulness meditation is the quickest way to restore ourselves when we’re experiencing our emotions in our bodies rather than in our minds. I find this 3-hour nature video with piano and guitar music by Peder B. Helland quite soothing. Play it in the background while you’re working, and take a few minutes out now and then to watch the calming scenes.

-Turn to your faith. Pray. Hold a good thought for those who are affected. Send love or healing energy. Look to your worldview—whatever that is—for a way to make sense of what’s happening. Studies have shown that even if we’re not involved in an organized religion, having a philosophy about the world and our place in it can sustain us during hard times.

Human suffering, whether it’s personal or global, ebbs and flows like the tides. We can no more change it than we can change the tides. 

But the light of human compassion, one of our most beautiful and enduring human traits, can serve as an antidote to suffering. Treasure your ability to feel deeply for others.

Affectionately,

Elaine