“Don’t wait for people to be friendly, show them how.”
~ Author unknown

This week I ran across an NPR article that piqued my attention. It was about a study that found surprising benefits from talking with strangers, including a boost to our sense of well-being.

Even though as an introvert I generally prefer deep conversations with close friends, the NPR article resonated with me in a way it would not have some years ago. The older I get, the more I seem to enjoy brief encounters with people out in the world—at coffee shops, grocery stores, and while waiting in line at the post office. Though I still have a bit of social anxiety, I no longer think of myself as being shy.

The last time we flew back from the Los Angeles area where we were visiting our son and his family, we had a long layover. Hubby and I were trying to make the best of it by eating a meal in a food court area in the concourse. A gentleman about our age approached and asked if he could share our table since seating was tight. We ended up chatting with him and found that he lived in a small town not far from us, worked in the high-tech industry, and had grandchildren. I don’t remember more than that, but I do recall enjoying the experience as we all passed the time together waiting for the same connecting flight.

Wanting to learn more about this topic, I Googled “chatting with strangers.” I got many hits that were links to platforms and apps that allow you to talk to strangers. Some advertised that you could chat anonymously, but many suggested you “turn your cameras on” for fun, adult video chats.

Wow. Be careful what you search for. It’s a brave new world out there!

A new search on “the benefits of talking to strangers” yielded more of the kind of results I expected—psychological articles on the effect of brief but pleasant social encounters.

Much as we may discount them as we go about our day, light social interactions with others do matter.

That was the takeaway of many of the articles. Even the most casual contacts with strangers and acquaintances can be beneficial to our mental health. The more people we talk to, the more we feel connected, and the richer our experience of the world. This is great news given the Surgeon General’s 2023 report titled “Our Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation.” In it, Dr. Vivek H. Murthy talks about the elevated level of loneliness experienced by so many Americans these days and the healing effects of social connection and community.

In recent decades we seem to have lost some of the skills people in prior generations had for conversing amicably. We can blame the pandemic in part, but even before that, we were becoming more wary of others than our parents and grandparents.

The concept of stranger danger, or teaching kids to be ever vigilant, came about in the ‘80s in reaction to some high-profile kidnappings that were covered extensively in the news. At the time it fueled widespread anxiety about the safety of kids. Sociologists are now taking a second look at the teaching, however. They’re concerned about the negative, long-lasting effects of instilling such extreme caution in young ones.

“Several generations of adults who were taught to fear strangers may be missing out on opportunities simply by being scared to interact with the unfamiliar faces around them,” says Alice Carter in this Impakter article.

Even the Center for Missing and Exploited Children has begun pulling back from the idea of teaching kids to fear all strangers (as opposed to teaching them specific red flags to look for), especially since more of the danger nowadays actually occurs online.

Another factor that has come into play over the last several decades — the overuse of meeting people online — has in fact has made us more antisocial.

The findings of all the studies have been consistent—the more social we are in person, the happier and more optimistic we are. Talking to strangers can even make us smarter by broadening our experience, says Joe Keohane in this BBC article.

Our fear of being rejected, or being seen as weird, when we initiate conversations with strangers is largely unfounded. The researchers found that most people enjoy friendly encounters with people they don’t know, especially when they involve humor.

These articles offer tips for how to go about approaching strangers comfortably:

Talking to Strangers Can Improve Your Well-Being

How Talking with Strangers Can Boost Your Sense of Well-Being

The message from the research is clear. It’s time to dust off our in-person social skills and be brave! Start with a smile, and the chances are, you’ll have your smile returned.

Affectionately,

Elaine