“And suddenly you know…It’s time to start something new and trust the magic of beginnings.”
~ Meister Eckhart

Well, we made it to 2023! Last year was a slog for many people, and I’ve heard more than one person say they’re happy to be turning the page to a new year.

I love the themes of hope and renewal that are expressed during the first week of January. After all the hustle and bustle of the holidays, and all the social activity, many of us are ready to slow down and turn inward for a bit. To imagine what this year will bring. My hope that it will bring us all good health, happiness, and especially peace on earth.

We barely get to catch our breath in the new year, though, before we start to see the inevitable articles about writing our resolutions. While I’m a big fan of self-improvement, the steady drumbeat about what to do or what not to do in terms of personal habits can be demoralizing. Let’s face it—self-discipline is hard. Our visions are often noble, and our intentions sincere, but our follow-through is often lacking. Even the best of ideas can fall by the wayside before long.

Knowing this, the older we get, the harder it can be to even attempt to make resolutions.

A post on the Daily OM website about changing roles opened my eyes to a different, and much more positive, way to embrace change in the new year. This line struck me as especially insightful: “Like actors on the stage of the world, our different roles are just costumes that we inhabit and then shed. Each role we play gives us another perspective through which to understand ourselves and the nature of the universe.”

Rather than thinking about what to do or not to do, it may be more helpful to consider what we want to be. As children, few of us had trouble expressing our dreams for our futures. We wanted to be teachers, fire fighters, ballerinas, and movie stars, and we changed those visions on a whim.

We had no trouble believing we could be whatever we wanted to.

But over time, many of us lost confidence. We became more realistic. The adults in our lives pointed out the pitfalls of this or that profession, especially if the ones we were drawn to did not appear likely to provide a steady source of income. Eventually we found something that paid the bills, if we were lucky. And too many of us stopped dreaming at that point.

Several people in my family have switched jobs and roles more than most over the years. We were fortunate—when we were young, our parents worked hard to infuse us with courage. When I was in high school, I started helping my mother sew clothes for clients, having made my first dress when I was eight years old. (Here is a memoir my mother and I wrote together about her time at a New York City fashion design school in the late 1930s.) In my young adult years, I earned money as a professional seamstress. That was my identity—how I saw myself and how others saw me.

Then I got my degree in psychology, with aspirations to teach or counsel others about healthy emotions. But with my husband in grad school and working two part-time jobs, we needed a steady income. One of my brothers offered me a job as a technical writer at his newly-formed computer company. It was an exciting time to be in high-tech. I worked in the field for a decade, and enjoyed it, honing both my computer and writing skills. Then for a few years I worked in human resources, which brought me closer to my core goals.

I had continued to study psychology on my own, and felt called again to contribute something more to that field. When I started writing personal growth essays, columns, and eventually a book about therapy, I did not yet consider myself a “real” professional writer. It took time for me to see myself that way. Eventually I grew into that identity, having shed my earlier labels.

I’m glad my folks instilled in us the idea that we were capable of anything we wanted to try. Of course you have to have a vision…to be able to dream about trying a new profession—or even a new hobby—and be able to see yourself doing it. But beyond that you need the courage to make the leap, and to get started executing the new vision.

And that’s what it takes to change roles, isn’t it? You have to get yourself over not just the inertia, but the fear that’s holding you back.

This week while editing a book for one of my brothers, my eyes were opened to an interesting concept related to courage. More is not always better—we actually need just the right amount of courage. Enough to allow us to act bravely when needed, but not so much that we become arrogant or foolhardy. As with most traits, a healthy balance is required to set a new course and to jump into action in pursuit of it.

The longer we live, the easier it is to become set in our ways.

But in doing so, we shut ourselves off to the exciting adventures we might be having.

In my last post, I talked about learning to love as little children do. This week, perhaps we should turn to our inner child again. Instead of “adulting” too hard, setting resolutions that may leave us feeling worse all too soon, maybe we should put on our imagination caps instead.

Who do you want to be?

What long-held vision from your younger days have you neglected for too long?

Do you feel excited just thinking about it, however unrealistic it might seem at first?

No matter what we decide to become this year, we can improve our chances for success if we start off with the intention to be courageous about it.

Affectionately,

Elaine