Using the Right Tool for the Job
Photo by Elaine Klonicki
“A good tool improves the way you work. A great tool improves the way you think. “
~ Jeff Duntemann
Here in the Southeast, we have a delightful combination of year-round sunshine and plentiful rain, especially in the form of spring storms. It’s what makes North Carolina so green and lush at this time of year in particular. We have tall oaks and pine trees, flowering trees such as crepe myrtles and dogwoods, shrubs of every variety, abundant flowers, and native grasses.
The downside to living in such a beautiful state is that we have endless (and I do mean endless!) trimming to do. On the weekends we hear lawn mowers, weed eaters, and leaf blowers humming and buzzing in our neighborhood as everyone does their part to keep their properties manicured.
There is a tall hedge that separates our front yard from our neighbors’. We just purchased a cordless trimmer with an extender to keep the hedge from getting out of control on our side. Last weekend, we divvied up the tasks: my hubby did the trimming and I raked and bagged the fallen branches.
Having successfully groomed the hedge, we decided to try the gadget on some of the bushes that we normally trim manually with pruners. I wanted to try my own hand at it, but even after my husband adjusted the length of the pole, I was surprised at how heavy the tool was when I picked it up. I had to keep my arms far apart to balance it, with one hand back on the trigger and the other more forward to guide it. I found I had just enough arm strength to handle it, but had to take breaks from time to time.
The task was made more difficult because I like bushes to look natural, so I was trying to achieve a rounded look. I experimented and developed a swinging action that worked. It took some focus, especially on the bushes that were close together. I had to be careful not to accidentally hit the bush next to it.
We were thrilled with the end result, though, and amazed at how quickly we completed the job—lickety-split! (Although my arm and back muscles complained for a few days afterwards.)
Feeling enthused, we moved on to some inside chores. First up was to install a new bathroom towel bar. My hubby is very handy and likes doing projects where he gets to use some of the specialized devices that are so perfectly lined up on the walls of our garage. He brought out his laser level and an adjustable tripod he purchased for jobs like these. He put the level on top of the tripod and sat it on a counter. It displayed a perfect red line on the wall so he could mark the bracket holes for the bar.
Long ago, an engineer friend who helped us with some house projects in the early days of our marriage offered this advice that has stuck with me: “Always use the right tool for the job.” He was a big believer in using the most powerful one available, too.
If you think about it, that’s good advice for using relationship tools as well, isn’t it? (You know by now, dear readers, how I can’t help seeing metaphors in my everyday life and drawing parallels to our emotional lives.)
Frequently we encounter frustrations with our partners, friends, and coworkers, and many of our interactions are less positive than we’d like them to be. We snap at each other or lash out or give each other the silent treatment, regretting it soon afterwards. All of these are ineffective tools if our goal is to have peaceful, productive communication with each other.
When we encounter challenges in our relationships, we need solutions. We sometimes forget that we already have emotional tools at our disposal that we can reach for as needed.
Over the last several years I’ve written quite a few posts about ways to enhance our communication. You may want to revisit them from time to time, as relationship tools all require practice. Here are a few for you to start with:
When it comes to our interactions with others, much as we’d rather believe our frustrations are all their fault, there’s a lot of work to do on our side as well. Using the right tools for the situation can help. It can take some time to figure out how to employ new ones effectively (or even ones we haven’t used in a while). Expect some awkwardness at first until you get into the swing of things.
Because anything new takes effort, you may get tired and need breaks from time to time, but don’t give up. With focus and persistence, you can learn the skills to smooth the rough edges of your relationships. Using your emotional tools will feel more natural in time, and you’ll be happy about the new strengths you’ve acquired.
Affectionately,
Elaine