“It is a happy talent to know how to play.”
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

I hear it several times a day—the running, chasing, and screaming with abandon. The joyful noise of children playing at recess at the elementary school behind my house. I pause to listen, and find myself smiling. The sound brings back the rare times in my youth when I felt truly free, and reminds me that there is still a child inside me, counting the minutes until recess.

Growing up, we seemed to be the only kids on our block who had a list of chores to do when we got home from school. Since our money had to stretch a little farther than most of the families in our neighborhood, everyone had to chip in, including the younger ones. We made nearly everything from scratch, and every one of us did what we could to bring in extra income. We baked and sold cookies to neighbors, babysat, raked leaves, cut lawns, and got part-time jobs as soon as we were able. 

Not only did we need to work, in whatever capacity, we were encouraged to do it well. My father embraced the idea of “continuous improvement” long before it was touted as a business concept. One of his favorite quotes, by St. Jerome, was: “Good, better, best. May you never rest, until your good is better, and your better best.”

Positive in so many respects, those philosophies led us to be responsible, dependable adults, striving to improve ourselves and the world around us. But back then sometimes we were envious that other kids just got to play.

In the ‘60s and ‘70s, TV commercials morphed from advertising functional items like Frigidaires and staples like coffee to products that represented the good life: toys, new cereals, and fast food. (For a kick, check out the fun ads on this site.) “You deserve a break today, so get out and get away to McDonald’s!” My siblings and I sang along with the jingles, but somehow the words didn’t seem like they were meant for us.

In addition to our home training, our religious training taught us that we were there to serve others; others were not there to serve us. Again, a positive philosophy if not taken too much to heart.

I know some of you were raised similarly. Parents in the Greatest Generation had to work hard all their lives, and endured many trials, so they were tough on us. Baby Boomers laugh about it now, but when we balked, our parents really did say things like, “You think you have something to cry about? I’ll give you something to cry about.”

Some of the rebelliousness expressed in the ‘70s songs (Woodstock, anyone?) no doubt came from wanting to break free from all the responsibilities we shouldered at such a young age. When Boomers had children, they probably went a bit overboard in the opposite direction, though, and lightened the load of their kids too much.

When it comes to social change, the pendulum often swings too far in the other direction before it settles out.

I’ve lived long enough to see parenting styles come and go. I, for one, am happy that, as parents, Millenials seem to be striking the right balance, perhaps due to the availability of parenting information online, among other reasons. They are requiring more of their children, to encourage some of the skill-building they missed out on, and yet they are also sensitive to their kids’ need for downtime.

I love the growing focus on healthy, balanced living. Even little ones are learning coping skills, borrowed from their parents’ yoga and meditation classes, which have at their core the idea of being instead of doing. I see toddlers doing deep breathing and counting to ten. Sometimes they even remind their parents to do it!

The relaxing Zen messages we’re hearing of late work for every age:

Breathe. Clear your mind. Listen to your body.

You’re exactly where you’re supposed to be.

(Did you just feel yourself relax?)

And my new favorite, offered by a friend’s yoga teacher last week:

“Where can you do less today?”

Less?

Really?

My elementary school psyche says there is no less in “good, better, best,” but I’m working on it.

One of the definitions of the word “recess” is “to temporarily suspend.” We’ve certainly suspended all kinds of activities during this forever-long year at home. Some have had to work to the point of exhaustion, trying to teach their kids while working themselves. But others report enjoying a great deal of family time where they reconnected with each other and played in all kinds of ways. Indoors with cards, board games, and binge-watching TV series, and outdoors with nature hikes, bike rides, and backyard activities.

If the pandemic has given us anything positive, it has been time to reflect on the busyness of our former lives. In the next few months we’ll have the opportunity to decide how much of it we want to take back on. Each of us will have to figure out the work/play balance for ourselves and our families.

Today, a few days after Easter, as I ponder the message of resurrection and new life, lyrics from a ‘60s song keep running through my mind: “To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven.”

As important as it is to work hard, accomplish our goals, and serve others, it’s also important to take time to nurture ourselves, and to ask for what we need. To enjoy, celebrate, and play!

Affectionately,

Elaine