Bouncing Back After Disappointments

Photo by Elaine Klonicki

“If your heart is broken, make art with the pieces.”
~ Shane Koyczan

How was your Thanksgiving? Ours didn’t quite go as planned. Our daughter and her family were in town and we were supposed to go to my niece’s house for a family event. She does a fabulous job with the food and table decorations, so we always look forward to the annual celebration.

Unfortunately, the day before the holiday our grandson came down with a horrible GI bug. I’ll spare you the details. Hubby and I stayed home with him so our daughter and son-in-law could introduce their new baby girl to the relatives.

Life sometimes surprises us, and things can change in the blink of an eye. When plans go awry, at first it throws us off balance. We are temporarily shocked, sad, and then ultimately resigned as we realize that we will have to make adjustments. It can be stressful to relay the news of a change to others as well, realizing that they will also be disappointed.

And yet…it was just one evening. Little guy recovered quickly, and we had a wonderful week together afterwards. And miraculously, none of us got the bug!

My hubby recalled another Thanksgiving, long ago, that didn’t work out. He was driving alone from North Carolina to Western Pennsylvania, before the days of cell phones, to visit his parents. He ran into a sudden snowstorm in Virginia, and the roads got bad quickly. He had no choice but to turn around and go back home to spend it alone.

When I was younger, I used to get much more upset when things didn’t turn out as planned. I was too tied to how things “should be” rather than how they actually were. Nowadays, I’m much better able to “roll with the punches,” as my dad used to say.

This was a momentary disappointment, not a crisis.

As we’ve discussed before, our expectations have a lot to do with how we handle frustrating events.

With experience we learn that things do not always go as planned, and it’s not the end of the world.

All of us will experience disappointments in life, both large and small. It can be helpful to learn how to deal with small ones as a way of developing the mental toughness to be able to handle bigger challenges, especially actual crises, when they arise.

Sadly, this year, too many have had to deal with genuine distress. As I write this, several friends have put out prayer requests for relatives who are in the hospital.

How well we bounce back when plans fall through or when we suffer a tragedy says a lot about our psychological resilience.

I remember learning some years ago that one good indicator of mental wellness is the ability to be flexible. People with poor mental health struggle to adapt to changing circumstances and it doesn’t serve them or others well.

As Courtney Ackerman says in this PositivePsychology.com article, resilience “is a wonderful trait to have, it is related to a plethora of positive outcomes, and—perhaps most important of all—it can be improved.”

With practice, we can increase our ability to handle the curveballs life throws at us.

Over time I’ve begun to be more aware of the thought process I use to get myself through upsetting events:

Stay calm
Don’t make rash decisions
Acknowledge the disappointment
Think through options
Develop a new plan
Look for silver linings

The silver lining for us this time was more one-on-one time with our grandson. Also, our relatives sent home a bag of delicious leftovers which saved us from cooking several meals. I had even made an extra pumpkin pie, and in my book, there aren’t many troubles that pie can’t fix!

When little guy was feeling better, he got to see the drive-thru holiday lights, and we were able to make and decorate the yummy gingerbread cookies pictured above. We had a blast, and were quite proud of the results. Here’s the recipe in case you want to try your hand at them.

As we begin to experience the sights, sounds, and tastes of the holiday season, we are looking forward to visiting our other grandsons soon and going to a light show and baking cookies with them. It truly is a magical time of year, and we feel so blessed to be able to see it through the eyes of our little guys. We know this is a precious time in their lives that will not last long.

I often wish my parents were still here so they could enjoy them too. I think about my dad especially at this time of year, which is probably why I’ve been quoting him more lately. He was a singer, and often had the church men’s choir practice at our house during the first few weeks of December. He played the piano and the men created harmonies for some of my favorite Christmas tunes. I still tear up when I hear “Silent Night,” as I recall that special memory.

Of our recent Thanksgiving episode, I’m sure my dad would say: “That’s the way the cookie crumbles, honey.”

Affectionately,

Elaine