Gratitude Provides a Path to Happiness

“Be present in all things and thankful for all things.”
~ Maya Angelou

Our book club is finishing up The Book of Joy, and last week we studied the chapter on gratitude. One of the things I’ve loved about this book is the insight the author gives us into the special relationship between Archbishop Desmond Tutu and the Dalai Lama and the way the men appreciate their friendship.

At our meeting, a member invited a friend of hers to give a short talk on our topic. The speaker, Natalie Hoerner, is a life coach who specializes in positive psychology with an emphasis on gratitude. In addition to working with clients and doing presentations, she offers gratitude-related journals and other products on her website. She has a Resource page with links to fun projects like this one, a Thanksgiving Gratitude Tree for kids.

The information our guest shared deepened our understanding about the ways being thankful impacts us and our worldview. She began her talk by explaining that we are internally wired to pay more attention to negative events than positive ones. Her assertions are backed up by this fascinating interview with Roy Baumeister, author of a new book on what he calls “the negativity bias.” This tendency towards negativity was helpful to early peoples who faced constant, life-threatening danger, but it’s not as helpful to us today.

Thankfully, as scientists have discovered in the last few decades, our brains are malleable. A simple change of perspective can, over time, literally change our physical brain structure.

We can actually create new positive neural pathways by consciously looking for things to be grateful for.

Just by changing how we think, we can help our brain become more adaptive and more resilient.

Gratitude, according to Megan McDonough, one of the instructors at the WholeBeing Institute where Natalie studied, can affect each of “the five perspectives of well-being.” She uses the shortcut SPIRE to help her students remember them:

Spiritual
Physical
Intellectual
Relational
Emotional

Being thankful connects us more strongly to our faith, reduces our stress, expands our minds, improves our relationships, and brightens our moods. Talk about a transformative practice!

The best news is that we don’t have to make grand changes in our lifestyle in order to achieve these gains. Natalie introduced us to the concept of “Kaizen,” the Japanese concept of “continuous improvement” which can be undertaken in small steps.

Every single time we pay attention to something in the present moment—say a beautiful flower—and we summon up a feeling of gratitude that it exists in our life, it triggers a reaction in us which boosts our neurotransmitters and makes us feel lighter and more joyful. But it can’t be a cursory glance or a brief positive thought. We have to pay close attention to it on a level we’re not used to.

It only works if we slow down, engage each of our five senses, and completely immerse ourselves in the experience.

Most of us know that walking is a healthy activity for our minds and our bodies, but if we add some gratitude activities to our stroll, our walks can have even more impact.

When you’re outside, Natalie says, notice everything. Pick up flowers and turn them over and look at the complex patterns of the petals. Turn over leaves and see the veining on them. Study them, and marvel at the miracle nature is in every tiny aspect. Listen to the rustle of the trees, feel the wind, watch the ripples on water, notice the color of the sky and the patterns of the clouds.

This takes the practice of mindfulness one step further. Not only do we need to stop and smell the roses, but we need to summon up deep feelings of appreciation for them. Truly, most of us are quite blessed, and we do realize it, just not often enough. After listening to Natalie and processing the ideas she shared, I’m even more convinced about the important role appreciation can play in our lives.

Admittedly, on our worst days when we’re frustrated or stressed, it can be hard to find anything to appreciate.

Sometimes “we can’t win for losing,” as my dad used to say. But even on those days, most of us have comfy beds, warm houses, a few comfort foods, and friends to call for support. Just thinking about the many good things we do have in our lives can change our perspective for the better. It’s just that we’re so busy and overloaded that we often miss the glorious elements of life that are right in front of us.

Given the tendency towards the negative, it helps to have reminders to be appreciative.

The strongest takeaway from Natalie’s talk for me was just that—the reminder to stop, look around, and wonder at the amazing world we live in.

On Sunday, in Maria Shriver’s Sunday Paper, a digital newspaper I really enjoy, there was an article about a woman named Gina Hamadey who, as a gratitude experiment, wrote 365 thank you notes last year. Having done so, she came up with a new, creative idea. She discovered that postcards can be an effective tool for showing appreciation without having to write a long missive. Recently she has experimented with taking photos of fun moments with friends and family during holidays and special events, and using them to create her own postcards. She thanks people for everyday kindnesses, like playing with her kids. Doing so, she said, has helped her to watch for and pay attention to special moments in a way she had not before, and has deepened her relationships with her loved ones. It has “enhanced and prolonged” the good feelings that the holidays normally bring about.

Her idea has inspired me to think about other small tokens of appreciation we can offer to those we love. What about you?

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving celebration. Don’t forget to slow down and savor everything!

Affectionately,

Elaine