Embracing Our Differences
Photo by Elaine Klonicki
“The differences between us are small compared to our shared humanity.”
~ Nadia Murad
My oldest sister is our world traveler. She has lived in three European countries for extended periods of time and has visited many more, as well as much of the US. Over the years, she’s shared with me some of what she’s learned about people in other cultures and has opened my eyes to the myriad ways human beings choose to live and interact. I had the opportunity to visit her in Madrid, Spain, when I was 17, and again, after my dad died, when I took my mom to Milan, Italy. Those trips were formative and eye-opening. They expanded my worldview and helped me develop an appreciation for cultural diversity.
We forget sometimes how influenced we are by local customs and environments.
This summer my hubby and I did more traveling than usual, in the Southwest and Midwest of the US, and it struck me again how differently people live, not only from region to region but from household to household. Our individual and family practices can vary in ways big and small.
Some people are night owls; others are early birds. Some cook; others prefer takeout. When it comes to recycling, practices range widely. Some are meticulous about it while others toss everything directly into the trash. Others recycle larger items, but only for space.
Our lifestyle and individual choices reflect our personal values and preferences.
(For a thorough and nuanced analysis about the pros and cons of recycling from an environmental point of view, check out this article.)
We all know, deep in our hearts, that this world would not be as interesting if we were all cut from the same cloth, as they say. And yet it’s easy to forget that as soon as we’re confronted with someone who acts, believes, or expresses themselves in ways that surprise us.
Psychologically, we’re wired to prefer sameness, which is why we’re drawn to others similar to ourselves. It’s comforting. And, let’s face it, it’s easier not having to try to understand contrasting personalities and choices.
When we learn that loved ones diverge from us in their thinking or behavior, it can be shocking at first, especially if we thought they were one of “our people.” It requires more of us to imagine that someone with different lived experiences can see things in such a dissimilar way. And it can shake our confidence in our own assessment of the world, which can make us uncomfortable.
Yet, questioning our own beliefs from time to time can be a good thing.
In situations where we tend to get emotional and want to either defend our position or challenge someone else’s, if we instead try to remain open and inquisitive, we can learn a lot from each other.
Not everything we tell ourselves is objectively true. We often form our opinions based on the ideas of those around us, but once formed, we stick to them. From a psychological standpoint, doing so allows us to simplify our lives. It’s overwhelming to have to consider every side of every issue and to constantly have to evaluate new information.
Therapist Byron Katie has developed an introspective technique called “The Work” which can be used to help us reevaluate our positions, especially those that don’t appear to be serving us. She uses four questions to help us analyze our thoughts:
1. Is it true?
2. Can you absolutely know that it’s true?
3. How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?
4. Who would you be without that thought?
Exposure to new viewpoints may not change the way we think in the moment, or ever. But if we remain openminded, it can help us to better understand how others can come to completely opposite conclusions, which can allow us to peacefully coexist.
Travel can be challenging, which is why we often look forward to arriving home after a trip. But exposing ourselves to other ways of living gives us the opportunity to learn about ourselves and our choices.
As houseguests on short visits with loved ones, we try to follow the “When in Rome” philosophy regarding the daily practices of our hosts. It’s one of the benefits of venturing out of our city or state…seeing how others live.
One thing we look forward to when we visit relatives in Cincinnati is going to Jungle Jim’s International Market, a massive grocery store with foods on display from countries around the world. The aisles are marked with the names of the countries. It’s amazing to see so many products, many of which we’ve never heard of, representing a variety of cultures. Each time we go, we buy something we’ve never tried before. This time we decided on lime curd, cranberry and port wine sauce, and several types of salsas.
As my sister taught me so long ago, we are enriched when we embrace our fellow citizens and their ways, whether they live around the corner, across the country, or around the world.
Affectionately,
Elaine