For the Love of Family
Photo by Anna Bass
“You are going to be fine. You come from a strong line of lunatics.”
~ TinyBuddha.com
Last weekend we attended a reunion for my mother’s family. We normally meet every two years, but because of Covid, it had been three years. It was touch and go until a few months ago.
Mother was one of nine children, although one was lost to polio as a baby. There are 61 cousins in my generation. The oldest would have been 82 and the youngest is 46. I’m in the middle of the pack. We do our best to stay in touch and share photos via email and our Facebook group.
Each of the eight families takes a turn hosting the reunion. This one was near Indianapolis, with 92 attendees. My mother passed away several years ago, and only two of her brothers and their wives are remaining. One uncle and aunt were able to be there in person, and the other couple recorded a video message for us. Seeing them was a highlight for us all.
We’ve found a formula that works for these reunion weekends, beginning with a meetup in the hotel lobby late on a Friday afternoon. One of my favorite parts is watching the smiles break out on people’s faces and listening to the squeals as we first see each other.
After the round of greetings, we separate briefly so that each of the eight families can go to dinner as a group and reconnect with their own siblings. On Saturday and Sunday mornings people appear in the breakfast area in the hotel over the course of a few hours. We’re not a quiet bunch, so I always feel a bit sorry for the other hotel guests. Cousins who are early risers take a walk together or go for a swim. We’re typically on our own for lunch and then explore the city during the day, but this year many of us lunched together at a cousin’s café (Movable Feast). The food was amazing, and it was so sweet to be served by a younger male cousin who I remember as a toddler.
On Saturday evening we attend mass together and then have a banquet, which is the main event. I’m always amazed at how different the culture is among siblings who were raised together. Every reunion is a reflection of the family that hosts it, which keeps them interesting. Some are more educational, others are more musical or sports-related, but they’re all wacky and fun.
This one was organized by the biggest jokesters and game players. “The Newlywed Game” was a riot, with the longest married couples scoring the worst. “Two Truths and a Lie” was revelatory. Who knew our cousins have had so many wild experiences? One was served served beer in college by the actor Ed O’Neill, who played Al Bundy from “Married with Children.” Another hiked up to Machu Picchu in Peru. A third both rode in a plane that tracked a herd of elephants in Africa and climbed Mt. Fuji in Japan! We had a blast learning so many new things about each other.
I’m guessing there was some apprehension before the weekend. Like many families, we have relatives across the spectrum, but there was nary a political comment, except a few made in jest. Our successful gathering shows that family members can show restraint out of respect for each other. For all our differences, we were brought up with a similar emphasis on faith and family that was established by our grandparents Frank and Edith, both born in the late 1800s.
This year, more than usual, we were all yearning just to be together and to have fun. And of course we reminisced about the good times from our childhoods. It brought to mind the opening lyrics of “Old Days” by Chicago.
“Old days, good times I remember
Fun days filled with simple pleasures
Take me back to a world gone away
Memories seem like yesterday.”
Grandma Edith organized the first of these reunions in 1963. As part of this year’s banquet program, one cousin did a slideshow presentation on our family history which included the early part of our family tree. We are enormously proud of our Irish heritage and learned that the original family name of Cournane was changed to Courtney when we emigrated from Ireland. We come from a long line of poets, writers, artists, and musicians and those talents are represented throughout the generations. (And, okay, if we’re honest, we’ve got the more stereotypical Irish traditions of drinking and gambling and joke telling as well).
Some hadn’t heard about my blog yet and may be reading it here for the first time. Several other cousins are working on writing books. One of the artists and I arranged a barter before we got there. He gave me one of his beautiful watercolor paintings in exchange for several of my books. A landscape architect, you’d never guess that painting is a relatively new retirement-age activity for him.
On Sunday mornings we say our goodbyes and wish each other well until the next time. As usual, the weekend went by too fast. There’s never enough time to truly catch up with more than just a few. Still, seeing each other in person and getting all those hugs fills us with gratitude every time. There’s something special about large families—and being in the presence of so many people who want the best for us.
As one cousin said, “Wouldn’t Frank and Edith be delighted?”
They would indeed!
This summer I’m wishing you similar opportunities to experience the love of family, or the love of friends whom you have chosen to be your family. How fortunate we are to have them as our cheerleaders!
Affectionately,
Elaine