From the Experts: 5 Ways to Cultivate Happiness

Photo by Andreas Weiland on Unsplash

“You are in charge of your own happiness; you don't need to wait for other people's permission to be happy.” 

~ Roy T. Bennett, The Light in the Heart

Last week we talked about 5 Ways to Beat Depression. I hope some of the suggestions worked for you if you needed them. But when it comes to optimal wellness, getting rid of a low mood is only half the battle, right? 

Most of us would prefer to do much better than just get through the day; we want to be in good spirits on a regular basis. 

If you’ve read the About page on this site, you know I’m a fan of positive psychology, which studies the factors that make us flourish. You won’t be surprised to hear that once I learned that the nature of happiness was actually being studied, I went through a phase of reading a few of the new books being published on the topic. 

According to one theory, each of us has a happiness “set point,” which is genetic, and determines our dominant mood. (In other words, whether you’re a Tigger or an Eeyore.) 

Studies show that for most of us, 50-60% of our outlook is hereditary. 

When I first read that, I thought it sounded surprisingly high, given all the life events and circumstances that can affect our dispositions. But if you have children, you know that some of them are just naturally more sunny than others, right from the start. From that standpoint, it makes sense.

The good news from the statistic is that at least 40% of our attitude is up to us.

Even better, from these emerging studies, we now know that happiness can be learned!

(I can’t tell you how happy that makes me.)

We can take steps to deliberately shift our mentality to be more in line with what the research shows helps people to realize their innate potential for joy.

Here are five ways to cultivate happiness, based on advice from professionals:

1. Look at what you tell yourself. Martin Seligman, Learned Optimism: How to Change Your Mind and Your Life 

Optimism can be learned, and once you understand the concepts and learn the techniques, you will be happier and healthier. Much of our outlook has to do with what we tell ourselves when bad things happen. Optimists tell themselves that negative events are external and temporary, which allows them to move on from them more quickly than those who believe the events are internal (their fault) and permanent (no chance for improvement).

2. Use your signature strengths. Martin Seligman, Authentic Happiness: Using the New Positive Psychology to Realize Your Potential for Lasting Fulfillment

Each of us possesses internal strengths in some measure—such as integrity, kindness, fairness, humility, originality, curiosity, and humor. The strengths that come most easily to us are our signature strengths. Actively working to increase them and to add new ones can help develop natural buffers to misfortune and improve our ability to bounce back. 

3. See the possibilities rather than the constraints. Martin Seligman, Flourish: A Visionary New Understanding of Happiness and Well-being

The permanent building blocks for fulfillment are: Positive emotion (what we feel), Engagement in activity (flow), Relationships (interactions with others), Meaning (serving with a purpose), and Accomplishment (achievement). Studies about people with optimistic outlooks show that happiness can be cultivated by learning to make positive choices in each of these important areas of our lives.

4. Be authentic. Brené Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are

Living our lives with authenticity requires courage. When we present a false front to others, we create a barrier to close relationships. Conversely, if we take steps to make ourselves vulnerable to others, we can achieve the intimacy that leads to contentment. The way to do this is to embrace our own imperfections. Loving ourselves is essential to living a wholehearted life.

5. Make happiness a habit. Sonya Lyubomirsky, The How of Happiness: A New Approach to Getting the Life You Want

One of our most cherished goals in life—being happy—is realizable if we know how. Although many of these habits may sound cliché, research shows they work: expressing gratitude, cultivating optimism, avoiding overthinking and social comparison, practicing acts of kindness, nurturing relationships, developing coping strategies, learning to forgive, increasing flow experiences, savoring life’s joys, committing to our goals, practicing religion and spirituality, and taking care of our bodies. 

For some people, having a positive mindset comes easily. For others, adopting an optimistic worldview takes time, energy, and effort. But no matter our natural tendency, fortunately we have some control over our level of satisfaction.

Bonus:

For many of us, listening to upbeat music might be the quickest route to a good mood on any given day. Here’s one of my favorite artists, Sara Niemietz, doing an acoustic cover of Pharrell Williams’ song: “Happy”

It never fails to put a smile on my face. Hope it does the same for you!

Affectionately,

 Elaine