How to Cultivate Joy

Photo by Sue Ivy

"Take joy in others’ joy, and you get joy to infinity.”
~  TruthBeToldQuotes.com

In a few weeks our book club will be choosing a new book for the fall. Each of us submits two titles and then we vote on them. I love that it’s a democratic process, but also that every season I get to see a whole new list of spiritual books which will likely appeal to me. I learn a little bit just by reading the introductory paragraphs for each book when I use the “Look Inside” feature on Amazon.

One of the books I’m submitting is The Book of Joy: Lasting Happiness in a Changing World, written by the Dalai Lama and Desmond Tutu in 2016. Here’s the description: “They looked back on their long lives to answer a single burning question: How do we find joy in the face of life's inevitable suffering?” Doesn’t that seem like the perfect choice for these times? I’ll be reading it no matter what.

Do you remember that a few months ago I mentioned auditing a free online class on the topic of “happiness”? I promised to report back on it. I’m embarrassed to admit that I never got beyond the first assignment, which was to create a one-minute video of myself describing what makes me happy. Old-school as it sounds, I got hung up on the idea of submitting a video of myself for everyone to see (although written answers were acceptable as well). But, also, I wanted to take some time to give the question some genuine thought.

Then Covid hit, and I got distracted. But I can report that watching the site’s compilation video of hundreds of people talking about what makes them happy was fun! I was surprised at how much joy I got just from seeing the students’ faces light up as they gave their answers. (If you’re curious, most of them put “playing with their dogs” at the top of their list.) 

One of the answers to the question about how we find joy seems to be seeing joy in others.

I’m guessing that was the point of the assignment. Speaking of finding joy, remember how happy we were when we first joined Facebook and reconnected with old friends? Now it seems like once a week someone threatens to quit because they’re so tired of the negativity. I often suggest they customize their feeds to bring them more joy. I Unfollow anyone whose posts vex me—especially the political ones. I appreciate that everyone has different passions, but the ongoing arguments where people have no desire to learn from one another are exhausting. (Hint: Even if you Unfollow someone, you can always visit their page on occasion to see if they’ve posted any personal updates.)

In terms of customizing, did you know you can use Facebook’s Search function to search by a topic instead of a name? Try it! You’ll find a lot of interesting pages on your topic of choice, and groups that share a common interest. Try Following them for a few days, and if you don’t like the content, Unfollow them. Many of the articles I share with you come to me via psychology or psychotherapy Facebook pages.

Many of my friends and relatives strive to share positive and upbeat content, which I enjoy so much. Here are a couple of inspiring offerings from this week:

I was particularly touched by this lovely Gregorian chant.

And this website has to be one of the coolest things I’ve seen, especially relevant during Covid with everyone growing so tired of looking out their own window. You can look at the view from someone else’s window in cities all over the world!

Put your cursor near the bottom of the screen and you will see this:
(Open a new window somewhere in the world. —>)

As you keep clicking on it, you will see additional views. At the top left is the first name of the person whose window it is, and at the top right is the name of the city. Most are live pictures, and some have sound. If you’re feeling adventurous, you can share your own window. 

What a great metaphor for life—to take a moment to see something from someone else’s point of view.

Literally.

It’s fun to take in their view and imagine what their lives are like. 

Sometimes we get so stuck in our struggles that it doesn’t occur to us that there are ways to infuse our lives with more joy, by eliminating the negatives and adding the positives.

Do you find that you spend more time complaining to friends rather than talking to them about the joyful moments in your life?

Happily (haha), that can change.

This week, try asking those around you, “What brings you joy?” Not only will it deepen your understanding of them, but I guarantee the happiness you see on their faces as they share their stories will add to your own joy.

As for me, I’ll give you a hint about what’s at the top of my list.

I just received this text from a cousin:
“Grandchildren are a necessity of life, yes?”

And my response:
“Yes. Absolutely a necessity.”

Affectionately,

Elaine