Accentuating the Positive

“A key to a vital life is an eagerness to learn and a willingness to change.”
~ Mary Anne Radmacher

I really enjoy learning new words. Do you?

The other day I heard someone use the expression “looking forward to an event with great alacrity,” and I had no idea what that meant. I looked it up, and found this definition: “brisk and cheerful readiness.”

Doesn’t that have a positive ring to it?

The sample sentence was: “She accepted the invitation with alacrity.” The synonyms are eagerness, willingness, fervor, keenness, and zeal.

Those words describe how I’ve been feeling lately about a project I’ve been working on that I just know will have a good outcome. Eagerness is a very welcome feeling—a noticeable contrast to some of the heaviness of late.

While writing this positive psychology blog, I strive to balance out the more serious topics with some lighter ones. I alternate to a certain extent between trying to accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative.

Are you singing yet?

Sorry. I got distracted. Having grown up with a father who sang and played the piano whenever he could, those old standards often come to me when I’m writing. Whether I want to or not, I hear song lyrics in my head. But let’s just go with this one and see where it takes us.

“Accentuate the positive” was originally written and performed by Johnny Mercer and the Pied Pipers. I prefer this cover by Aretha, and it seems a good time to honor her, in light of the new film RESPECT which came out last month.

In Johnny Mercer’s lyrics, he says:

“You've got to spread joy up to the maximum
Bring gloom down to the minimum…”

We’ve talked about ways to reduce anxiety and depression, and we’ve talked about ways to increase happiness, joy, optimism, and last week, cheerfulness.

But sometimes we feel two things at one time and don’t know which is the “right” one. For me this confusion shows up most often when it comes to trying to figure out whether I’m anxious or excited.

Our brains are so amazing.

Unbeknownst to us, we can have a thought (of which we are unaware), and it can manifest as a physical symptom in our bodies. Our brains then pick up on the sensation and try to interpret it in order to determine how we’re feeling.

While there are some generally accepted physical responses that indicate particular emotions, such as a red face for anger, others are far more difficult to discern. Our bodies give us all kinds of crazy signals. We tense and tighten, we shake and we cringe. Sometimes we cry when we’re happy, and we laugh when we’re sad.

Deciphering our feelings is definitely not a perfect science, although I suspect that some of us are more skilled at it than others.

Take the sensation of having “butterflies in our stomach.” That might be how you describe a nervous stomach, which implies anxiety or dread. In Hallmark movies and romance novels, however, butterflies are a shortcut indication of falling in love. Or butterflies can be evidence of eagerness and excitement, as I imagine my niece is feeling before her upcoming wedding.

It can be easier than we think to misinterpret which we’re actually feeling based on our physical sensations.

This happens more often to people who’ve experienced trauma or negative experiences in their lives. They are too often on guard, watching for the next bad thing to happen. When that tendency is pronounced, it can lead to the development of chronic anxiety. (See this BetterHelp.com article for suggestions for controlling it.) Since they’ve been disappointed in the past, their expectations skew more negatively.

As I’ve admitted, this used to be more of a struggle for me. For much of my life I’ve had far too many butterflies in my stomach before what most would deem exciting events. Mine was mostly related to social anxiety and perfectionism, both well under control now. But too often I gave credence to what felt like dread, and it held me back.

I can see now that I probably misinterpreted that fluttering sensation much of the time. Or at the very least, likely both anxiety and excitement were present, but I leaned in to the anxiety at the expense of what might have been some very fun opportunities. It became an automatic response—to assume I was feeling anxiety because I had chronic anxiety. I might have become more adventurous if I’d interpreted my feelings differently and allowed myself to feel more excitement.

We’ve talked about how our viewpoints can be adjusted over time with therapy or a determined intention to grow in a more positive direction.

Happily, over the course of my life I’ve morphed into a far more positive, trusting person. I generally expect good things to happen, and if they don’t, I know it’s not the end of the world because I have the skills to handle them. I’m more apt to go for exciting opportunities and activities knowing that it’s eagerness I’m really feeling.

The next time you have that jumpy feeling on the inside, however that registers for you in your body, consider that it might serve you better to “accentuate the positive” and embrace the most hopeful interpretation. Check to see if those butterflies could just be “brisk and cheerful readiness” related to a new venture (or adventure!).

Excitement is infectious, as I’ve had good evidence of this week. As I’ve been sharing my enthusiasm about this new project with others, I can tell that they’re really keen on the idea.

Paying close attention to what your body is trying to tell you, leaning into the positive when possible, and sharing your excitement about upcoming events with others—this is the formula for “latching on to the affirmative” and “spreading joy to the maximum.”

Mr. Mercer would be so proud of us.

Here’s wishing you the good kind of butterflies this week!

Affectionately,

Elaine