Cheerfulness is a Gift

Photo by Trevor Noah on Unsplash

“Be of good cheer, your visions will be fulfilled in their own time.”
~ Lailah Gifty Akita

When I was a moody teenager, I was often confounded by the people who were able to keep their spirits up during upsetting times. I wasn’t born with the natural optimism and effervescence my mom’s side of the family has. They are definitely half-glass-full kind of people.

As a young adult, I put much more stock in the “nature” argument in psychology, rather than the “nurture” side. I’ve said before that I tend to be more introverted and serious minded than some. Early on, I accepted that that’s just how I was. But I’ve gone through so much growth in my life, much of it due to or inspired by therapy, and I feel differently now.

Rather than just admire cheerful people, I’ve made much more of an effort to become more lighthearted. I’ve studied a bit about how not just our minds but our physical brain structures can change based on our experiences—a relatively new discovery in neuroscience.

Now I understand that nature is just a starting point. The rest is up to us.

I’ve seen in myself how we can adapt our personalities to be more to our liking. I write this blog not only to try to inspire others, but to continue to learn more myself about happiness, joy, and optimism.

Cheerfulness is closely related to those concepts, yet it’s a little different. It’s not exactly a feeling; we don’t typically say we feel cheerful. It’s more something others say about us. It’s an outward facing demeanor—an expressive quality that speaks to how we come across to others.

Most of us really like cheerful people. With a brightness in their eyes, they hug us a little tighter and shake our hand a little firmer than most. In the Pooh world, they are Tiggers. They have energy to burn, a bounce in their step, and a lightheartedness about them.

By contrast, Eeyores are harder to be with. No matter what happens, they are determined to be sullen. My hubby and I saw it on display while watching our favorite reality show, Married at First Sight, this week. One of the new wives had something negative to say about everything—from the honeymoon suite and hotel to her new husband’s foot massages (which she said with a sour face were “just okay”). It makes me wonder where all that negativity comes from. I suspect she can’t engage happily for fear of being disappointed. Dissatisfied as she comes across, I feel sad for her, and for her new husband, who is as happy as she is sullen.

Much as our inner feelings are reflected in our outward expressions, our outward expressions can affect our internal states.

You’ve probably heard that when you smile, it can boost your neurotransmitters and make you feel happier. Think of how quickly your mood can change when someone makes you laugh.

During tough times, especially when they are extended and chronic as we are experiencing right now, it’s more challenging to remain positive.

Still, like so many aspects of personal growth, we can decide to become more cheerful on a day-to-day basis, and learn how to do it, even if it doesn’t come naturally. It’s a “state,” which means we can enter that state if we choose. Faking it doesn’t work, though. We have to actually change our perspective, to truly believe that “All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well” as the English mystic and theologian Julian of Norwich wrote in the Middle Ages.

By working to create a more positive internal state, we can, over time, adopt a cheerier outer demeanor.

For role models, all we have to do is look to the character of Bert, the jovial chimney sweep in Mary Poppins, who sees himself as “as lucky as lucky can be” despite his dreary work. That attitude allows him to look forward to each new day. One of the reasons we love the Mary Poppins movie is that the overt optimism of both Bert and Mary is so infectious.

Being cheerful is a gift we can give to ourselves, but also to others. As the saying (and song) go, “Smile and the world smiles with you.” If your spirits are lagging lately (and whose aren’t?), here are a few resources that can help you pick yourself up:
-12 Ways to Become More Cheerful
-How to be Cheerful
-Sara Niemietz’s cover of a song called “I Smile” by Kirk Franklin
-Kirk Franklin’s original version of the song
-Shania Twain's song "Today is Your Day"

The last link is to one of my favorite pick-me-up songs. If you don’t know the back story on the lyrics, written after she lost her singing voice, it’s quite inspirational.

No matter what’s going on in your life right now, consider what Shania says in her song:
“Part of the fun is the climb,
You just gotta make up your mind.”

Affectionately,

Elaine