When You Feel Like You’re Not Doing Enough

“Try approving of yourself and see what happens.”
~ Louise Hay

When I was a child, bees seemed to be everywhere during the summer, stinging us at will. My friends and I hated them, as most kids do. But as an adult, I’m developing more respect for them, especially now that we are all learning about their importance to our food chain. There are international efforts to promote gardens that attract and sustain bees in order to increase their numbers, which have been diminishing for several decades.

Bees are apparently one of the most hardworking insects. Did you know that they have several different jobs during their lifetimes? Pollination is just one of them. Incredibly, a worker bee has to pollinate 4,000 flowers to make one teaspoon of honey. It boggles the mind!

It’s not surprising that we use the idiom “busy as a bee” to describe our human experience when we are moving about quickly, doing many things at one time. But even bees take breaks, apparently, according to this article. They work efficiently, but also preserve their energy when they need to in order to avoid burnout so they can safely make their way back to their hives.

Hmmm. Sounds like there’s a lesson for us in there.

We spend much of our time buzzing around doing many tasks at once. At the end of the day, we are frequently left feeling depleted, but at the same time feel we have not done enough.

Why is that?

A relatively new psychological term to describe the phenomenon is toxic productivity—the drive to produce while ignoring other important aspects of our lives. Americans are particularly susceptible to this tendency because of our collective national obsession with high achievement, especially when it comes to our careers.

Studies show that an increasing number of Americans work during “off” hours and don’t use all their allotted vacation days. Last spring Forbes magazine published an article that shed some light on these trends. Contrast that to our friends across the pond. The standard summer holiday in Europe is 3-4 weeks. Maternal leave varies from country to country but in general is much longer than what is available in America, starting weeks before the birth.

We are a nation of doers, and we wear our “busy-bee” labels proudly. They are the source of much of our self-esteem. But the temporary high we get from each accomplishment is quickly followed by the sobering realization that there is always more to do. And off we go again…

Is our obsession with doing it all serving us if we are left with the feeling that we can never measure up?

There are other ways to measure our self-worth besides exhausting ourselves.

For years we’ve been told by people like author Napoleon Hill, “Whatever the mind can conceive and believe, the mind can achieve.” This statement from his popular book Think and Grow Rich, sounds logical, and may even be motivating, but I have a hunch it’s only true in theory. From what I see, our minds can perceive much more than we can achieve.

We have more mental energy than we do physical energy, and this mismatch causes us a lot of frustration.

Sadly, bright people who already are achieving a lot seem to be most susceptible to the feeling that they’re not doing enough because they are able to generate so many possible ideas. Factors such as time, money or other resources can keep us from being able to bring our ideas to fruition as well, adding to our frustration.

One solution to this dilemma is to stop and deal with the emotions that arise rather than simply trying to do more.

Another is to evaluate the ways we are causing our own stress. We may be letting external expectations, comparison with others, or perfectionism get in our way.

The best antidote may be to start looking at yourself and your productivity differently. Be realistic about the fact that you can never entirely close the gap between what you think you should be accomplishing and what you can actually accomplish.

Telling yourself you’re not doing enough is a mental habit, and habits can be changed.

If your inner critic keeps beating you up, you may need to reflect on what you were told as a child about achievement, and reframe it to focus on what you are accomplishing rather than what’s left to do.

Much as it may seem so, pushing yourself harder may not always be the answer. In fact, it may actually be compromising your productivity because we tend to think slower and make more mistakes when we’re tired. However fulfilling it might be, work is simply a means to an end, with the end being living a happy life.

More importantly, when we push ourselves too hard, we sacrifice that which is most beautiful and valuable in our lives: joy, laughter, and special moments spent with those we love.

Yoga teacher, psychotherapist, and life coach Maya Georg Courtney recently offered some sage advice on her Facebook page for dealing with toxic productivity:

“Everyone needs down time, and not just to catch our breath. We need time to sit alone with our thoughts and reconnect with our senses and experiences. Life moves fast. Slowing down helps us stay grounded in who we are, so we can make the right decisions to move towards the life we want.”

I’m hearing a Simon and Garfunkel song in my head. How about you?

Affectionately,

Elaine