Choosing a Different View

“My life has been filled with terrible tragedies…most of which have never happened.”
~ Mark Twain

Did that quote surprise you?

It’s one of my favorites. It reminds me of the concept of catastrophizing, which I learned about from author and motivational speaker Dr. Wayne Dyer in his book Your Erroneous Zones. Published in 1976, it was one of the early entries in the self-help arena.

My mom came across the book a few years after it was published, and because she found it helpful for her anxiety, she shared it with me. (With eight kids, I can’t imagine what she had to be anxious about.)

The book introduced me to the idea that it’s not so much what happens to us in life that causes us to be anxious, but how we view it. This website provides a summary that’s worth a read.

Catastrophizing is the mental act of looking at the worst possible outcome for a given situation as the most likely, which naturally causes us to worry.

Although bad things happen to all of us, doing normal times, they don’t happen at the rate we imagine them. The quote reminds us that many terrible tragedies happen only in our minds, especially for those of us with vivid imaginations. As we’ve discussed before, our tendency to envision the worst is related to our brain’s warning system which is meant to protect us.

The events of the last few months have shown us that there are times in history when horrible tragedies occur. During these times, our collective anxiety is understandably higher than usual. Still, it doesn’t serve us to stay in an elevated state of distress on a daily basis.

Dr. Dyer explained in this interview that, much as they can feel overwhelming, emotions do not “attack” us (as in the popular notion of a panic attack), but arise from within, and therefore are within our control.

Your Erroneous Zones was definitely life-altering for me when I encountered it in my young twenties. It gave me something I was sorely lacking: personal power, or agency, as it is often referred to these days. I was a fairly moody teenager, and I’d had some hard breaks, so hearing that it was possible to have some control over my troubling emotions was liberating.

I learned that I no longer needed to be a victim of my circumstances, whatever they happened to be, or to live in fear of what might happen.

Instead, I could learn to change my thoughts, assert myself, and take charge of my life.

Although it took years for me to truly put the ideas into practice, I was inspired to overcome my negativity and to grow emotionally in the ways Dr. Dyer described in his book. Looking back, aside from a social science course I took in high school, these concepts prompted my interest in psychology. They offered a positive, proactive approach to my problems.

In this Oprah.com article, Dr. Dyer explained that worry is a technique we have created to use up the “now” moments of our lives “rather than choosing to use these precious, present moments living a fully functioning, happy life.” He saw worry as an excuse to occupy our minds and avoid living.

Over the years I have found his suggestions for reducing worry helpful, especially this salient question: "Is there anything that will change as a result of my worrying about it?"

In my experience, almost always the answer is no.

If you tend to catastrophize and ruminate, trying some of his suggestions might help you to curb the habit. If anxiety has too strong a hold on you of late, and is affecting your quality of life, seeing a professional could help you get to the bottom of it. It has worked well for me at various points in my life when I’ve needed extra support.

When it comes to shifting our viewpoints, it’s important to recognize the difference between wishing problems away or avoiding any discussion of them (a more recent phenomenon deemed toxic positivity) and the original concept of positive thinking—the idea that we have a choice in how we view and respond to events in our lives.

It appears that the concept came from a very personal place for Dr. Dyer, who had to overcome some significant challenges early in his life. He clearly found a way to think about his experiences that allowed him not only to cope with them, but to thrive. He went on to share his positive worldview with others as an educator and a therapist. In a stroke of good fortune, a literary agent suggested that his lecture material might be worthy of publication. From that point on, his career took off, largely due to his own determination and marketing efforts, and he became an internationally renowned speaker.

As I’m writing this, I’m remembering that my mom and I actually went to hear Dr. Dyer talk in the 1980s when he came to town. It was a bonding moment for us, and we came away even more motivated to get a handle on our anxiety. I’m grateful for Dr. Dyer and other authors of inspirational books who remind us that our lives are largely what we make of them.

We cannot know what the future holds, but we do know that focusing on our worst fears robs us of precious moments that we can never get back. While it’s not easy to change our habitual patterns of thinking, it is a worthwhile effort. As Christian author Randy Armstrong says, “Worrying does not take away tomorrow’s troubles. It takes away today’s peace.”

These uncertain times call us to live in the present moment whenever possible.

When we do feel the need to look to the future, we can decide to do so with hope rather than fear, imagining brighter days on the horizon for all of us.

Affectionately,

Elaine